Forhåbentlig kan min historie få nogle mennesker til at indse, hvilken skade spil kan gøre på ens liv og de andre omkring dig.
Så lad os starte fra begyndelsen. Som 27-årig begyndte jeg at få anfald, en gang i tiden indså jeg til sidst, at jeg havde skjult den depression, dette forårsagede mig. Jeg syntes, at gambling var noget af en virkelig nyttig distraktion, det startede bare som små fodboldvæddemål. En dag sendte Coral mig 100 satsnings gratis spins, og jeg vandt og udbetalte £100. Jeg fik det i mit hoved "det er nemt" STOR FEJL.
For at undertrykke depressionen brugte jeg hele min livsopsparing til at spille på slots. Da jeg løb tør for midler, var det her, jeg første gang talte med min kone om det. Hun var fantastisk og var meget støttende, som hun var fra dag et af min epilepsi. Jeg formåede på en eller anden måde at gå i årevis uden at spille, jeg kan virkelig ikke huske hvordan. Det kunne have været grund til at have ingen penge at spille med og støtte fra mine kære.
Epilepsi blev værre og værre, og jeg havde en følelse af, at jeg var i en nedadgående spiral. Jeg blev tilbudt en hjerneoperation for at stoppe anfaldene alle sammen. Jeg troede virkelig, at dette ville blive et vendepunkt i mit liv og slog til. Den 19. maj 2019 kom rundt, og jeg fik en hjerneoperation. I to år var det fantastisk, at jeg ikke havde et anfald, og livet føltes fantastisk.
Så kom den fatale dag, da de startede igen, mit liv ændrede sig igen, og den spiral af depression begyndte. Endnu en gang begyndte jeg at spille, og det fandt deres kone ud af. Jeg lovede hende, at jeg ville stoppe, hvilket jeg gjorde et godt stykke tid, da jeg brugte GamStop, så fik jeg pludselig et meget slemt anfald, et af de værste jeg havde før operationen. Cyklussen startede forfra. Spil, at blive fanget og løgnene til konen om, at jeg ville stoppe. Jeg tog endda lån for at spille, som jeg stadig betaler af nu. Lånene beløb sig til op til £7.000. Jeg kan ikke huske, hvor mange gange denne cyklus varede, men til sidst førte det til, at min kone afviste mig og aftvingede mig.
Så mens jeg skriver dette nu, bor jeg alene, ser sjældent mine børn og føler mig altid ked af det, jeg opgav for den dopaminfix.
Jeg er en on and off gambler i øjeblikket. Jeg bliver ved med at finde forskellige GamStop-kasinoer, jeg spiller lidt og beder dem derefter lukke min konto, fordi jeg har et spilleproblem. Så jeg formoder, at jeg langsomt bliver bedre, da jeg får det mod til at lukke min konto ret hurtigt efter at have åbnet en. Når jeg ved, at jeg ikke har nogen steder at spille, forlader tanken mig faktisk.
Jeg græd faktisk, da jeg skrev alt ovenstående, da jeg savner mit gamle liv før epilepsi og gambling, men disse ting kan ikke ændres. Så jeg skal nu koncentrere mig om det positive, som at have været anfaldsfri i over 3 år og evnen til at køre igen.
Hopefully my story might make some people realise the damage gambling can do to ones life and the others around you.
So lets start from the begining. At 27 I started having seizures, sometime down the line I eventually realised that I had been hiding the depression this was causing me. I found gambling to be somewhat of a really helpful distraction, this just started off as little football bets. One day Coral sent me 100 wager free spins and i won and cashed out £100. I got it in my head "this is easy" BIG MISTAKE.
To supress the depression I used all of my life savings to gamble on slots. When I ran out of funds, this is when I first talked to my wife about it. She was great and was very supportive, as she was from day one of my Epilepsy. I somehow managed to go for years without gambling, I really can't remember how. Might have been down to having no money to gamble with and the support of my loved ones.
Epilepsy was getting worse and worse, and I had that feeling like I was on a downward spiral. I was offered brain surgery to stop the seizures all together. I really thought this would be a turning point in my life and jumped at the chance. 19th May 2019 came round and I had the brain surgery. For two years it was great at I didn't have a seizure and life felt great.
Then that fatal day of when they started again came around, my life changed again and that spiral of despression began. Once again I started to gamble and they wife found out. I promised her I would stop, which I did for a good amout of time as I used GamStop, then all of a sudded a had a very bad seizure, one of the worst I had before the surgery. The cycle started over again. The gambling, getting caught and the lies to the wife that I would stop. I even took out loans to gamble, which I am still paying off now. The loans totaled up to £7k. I don't remeber how many times this cycle went on for but eventually it led to my wife dispising me and deforcing me.
So as i write this now, I live alone, rarely see my kids and always feel sad about what I gave up for that dopamine fix.
I am an on and off gambler at the moment. I keep finding different none GamStop casinos, I play for a bit then ask them to close my account due to me having a gambling problem. So I guess I am slowly getting better as I get that courage to close my account pretty quick after opening one. When I know I have nowhere to gamble the thought actually leaves my mind.
I actually cried when writting all of the above as I miss my old life before Epilepsy and gambling, but these things can't be changed. So I now have to concentrate on the positives, like been seizure free for over 3 years and the ability to drive again.
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